Sunday, November 30, 2008

why Woolworths suck

Fah lah la la lah, the Xmess ads begin...

And littered with Aussie settings, it's Woolies first off the rank,
but only slightly rank, in one regard.

WHY are they letting a girl bounce on a trampoline covered in fresh ripe cherries from the tree above her?

That is SO OBVIOUSLY a slip hazard. Just wait, it will happen.

No no no, that sucks cos it gives even teens the idea to try it as a dare, not so much cherries, but you get the (bad) idea.

You guys suck - get rid of that, and it's still just a boring stereotypical ad.


phew made it in time for Nov


Monday, October 13, 2008

why Sunrise sucks

As far as breakfast shows down under go, this is still my preference, but that's no excuse.

This is a late arvo placed ad, with a preteen and a late teen, both distraught in the dark of a morning without a sunrise.

Yay, the tv comes on, and all is well.... so why ruin it with a line as weak as

'Thank GOD for the Sunrise.'

No, sorry, i have no idea why we should thank any deity for this show. Sucks, bigtime.

Monday, September 8, 2008

why Unwired suck

The irony here is that Unwired are my ISP, whom I will continue to use till i get a better offer.

BUT THAT IS NO EXCUSE FOR USING what is possibly the WORST example of 'English' ever.

'Too Easy'.

As I have mentioned to many people for years now, how can something be 'too easy'?

It lends itself to the notion that there must be some hidden traps or clauses, this service is 'too easy' to use.

And yes, they did manage to rob me of 3g FREE per month for about 7 months this year, before i noticed that my service was no longer completitive in the market.

But enough about me..... ANYONE who uses the phrase 'too easy' is a moron and sucks.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

why VISA sucks

the irony, i've always disliked that name, synonymous with what you need to enter another country... and here we are, on the eve of the Olympics.

Jackie Chan - what the hell have you done? ..according to Paul B, you've sold out.

You're on our billboards telling us (bad timing) that ONLY ONE CREDIT CARD WILL BE ACCEPTED AT THE OLYMPICS GAMES IN CHINA 2008.

That's not an ad, that's a directive. Poo to that.

You suck, I won't watch your new movie as a protest, and Visa suck.

Especially for dolling up that pic of the 'birds' nest' to make sure it had blue skies. Lies.

Friday, August 1, 2008

why iMax sucks, i mean, toyota...

more about iMax on my other blog soon, but yes, this was a massive ad to have to endure.

What is the link between someone in a parachute from a hot air balloon and a 4wd driver?

Nothing, you would think, and i agree. This is not an ad, it's not even art. It's weak.

More soon after Cool Dre wakes up....

THE DARK KNIGHT RULES!!!! what a movie ;)

Sunday, July 6, 2008

why NEVERFAIL sucks

seen all over a delivery truck, especially last week (nice to be driving back to Gladesville again):

Neverfail. What is it, a battery? a 24hr service?

Nope, it's water. Bottled and sold by Coca-cola. Yeah, sure, this could be a Coca-Cola post, or even an Amatil sucks, but let's attack the product rationally.

Water. It falls from the sky, and returns to it from our rivers and oceans, moving it around the globe. And thanks to Ad-Roc of the Beastie Boys for reminding us how much it has always ruled the earth, and should never be a commodity for humankind.

What is the slogan? 'Just as nature intended.'

NO. Wrong. Nature intended us to drink from clean rivers, and eat from its clean oceans' bounty.

Have a look at your (petrol driven) trucks - they're covered in waterfalls and such, in a setting that totally contradicts the expensive use of plastic bottles to sell it back to us.

You suck. I don't pay for water, even at raves. So just quit it 'cos your premise is wrong.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

why eBAY suck

...'cos they recently switched to Paypal only? nah, that was bad enough (didn't bother me though).

It's 'cos the latest ad just... stinks. Never leave the viewer wondering, it's an old rule.

The 1st ad was obvious, and boring, going down a luge in a shopping cart. Meh.

The latest has a bunch of bargain hunters in the wild, tackling live prey like wardrobes, bedside desks, and my favorite, lamps (a nod to Pixar?).

The woman that nabs the lampstand... was disguised??? in a lampshade????

What, in the figurative world of eBay, is that supposed to represent? Everyone knows that eBay takes fraud and spoof very seriously, so why are they letting a buyer that dupes the 'prey' into a successful sale slip into the picture?

You dolts. That sucks.

Friday, June 6, 2008

why KFC sucks

Cos it makes me ill - seriously. But that's beside the point.

THIS is just a bad ad. A waiter takes an order in an italian restaurant, then tells the table to follow him, somewhere...

BUT THEY DON'T. And why is this error on air? It won't work, the storyline doesn't flow.

He ends up serving it to them back at the table.

AND it's a cheap ad too - there's like 2.3 seconds footage of him (not speaking to camera) in the KFC store - this was clearly a waste of set-up money.

That means it's stupid, and it sucks.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

why The Gruen Transfer rules

(literally - look it up)

Last night, this blog's fave show went to air - my old radio buddy Wil Anderson has hooked up with my mentor Andrew Denton, and set up a weekly panel show

don't miss it - on abc tv, of course ;)

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

why iSELECT thuck

i should have typed iThelect but that's jutht taking the pith.

First of all, why pick a poster girl like 'Molly' if she has a lithp? Trying to be cute?

Secondly, she keeps ringing up about her health insurance every week - how often do we REALLY NEED to do this, in order to make sure we're getting the best deal on health insurance?

And lastly, the kicker: you've clearly run out of catchphrases, so don't bother making up new ones, like

'kyucking kookaburras', 'puffing muffins', and other stupid sayings that really make Aussies look a bit dim/uncreative.

You all thuck.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

why NESTLE suck (not only for this one...)

Ok, this is the first entry where I enjoyed the ad, but still can't agree with the ideology.

KIT KAT: so tempting, that a kids will swap with kids to get to THEIR home and eat some.

Story? 2 kids, one with a whitebread family, and another hiding in a store, both in the same wrestling outfits cum power rangers.

The hider calls out to the other, and they duck outside to the playground... one of them answers the call from Mum to head for the car.

He gets home, gets some Kit Kat into him, then takes off his mask... revealing his beaming Asian face.

All four family members are in shock/surprise/dunno cos at this point i felt weird...

...what does this inadvertently say/project about asian kids? what do THEY see in the ad?
...what would their parents?

i dunnno... but for my confusion on that issue... this sucks.

Monday, April 7, 2008

why MyNite sucks, a bit

Who can forget the Gen-Y anti-hero Corey D.W, made headlines inviting far too many people over to his stepdad's place to essentially trash the place, via MySpace?

Well, i have to give credit to the PCYC for building a site designed to help safeguard your next party against any criminal charges, by alerting them first of your intentions.

BUT, the Ad still SUCKS: i'll try and put the poster up here, but basically..

there's a girl. she's young. she has a belly. she's not unhappy.


So, sucks for having confusing iconography, BUT wait for their email response to me, cos you KNOW i asked them straight away for a comment on my confusion....

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Why KELLOGG suck (you in)

NutriGrain - one of of the few remaining Aussie breakfast icons.

But what's this? You have to log on to enter their latest sports goodies giveaway? Okay.

But what's this? You have to wait for a huge flash file to download? Okay....

BUT WAIT! YOU HAVE NO CHOICE - you guys suck, you made me download about 20mg
worth of crap before I had the chance to enter in my unique code (aw, not a winner). And I want my 30 minutes back (rotten server you got there).

Kellogg, get your act together, and give consumers a CHANCE to save their bandwidth on what is obviously a website that you paid far too much for - whoever designed it must be laughing.

That's BUT DON'T BOTHER unless you want to waste megabytes...

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

why KOTEX suck

Finally, a freebie straight off the press...

A TAMPON company may be forced to cancel TV ads that show an attractive, young woman going about her day with a beaver in tow.
The Kotex advertisement, rated M and broadcast only after 8.30pm, features a woman and her pet beaver eating lunch, having their nails done, at the hairdresser, and being gawked at by men on a beach.
The ad ends with a voice-over: "You've only got one. So for the ultimate care down there, make it U." The woman then hands a packet of Kotex tampons to the beaver as a gift.
The Advertising Standards Bureau in Canberra received a "large number" of complaints as soon as the ad aired on Sunday - the day after International Women's Day.
"A large number of complaints have come in over the weekend," ASB chief Alison Abernethy said.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008


Part of the greater Amatil conglomerate, I call this another Fallen Aussie Icon.

Smiths used to be great, familiar, simple. And now?

They have to stage an over-the-top one song musical, based on brickies n labourers.

What sucks? The only chicks (I meant that) are in office outfits... reinforcing the old
'perve' idiom. I hate that especially. But, objectively, it's sexist.

Sorry, you lose me here. You suck.


Quite simply, they ripped off one of the best animation concepts from Aardman Studios.

They have 4 characters, but i've only seen the sunflower talking to mic about ''being open''.

Yes, Creature Comforts got re-worked for commercial purposes. It's not awful, but it's not original.

And that sucks.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

why AAMI sucks

I pity ANY girl named Amy.... especially after this group came up with the slogan 'Luckyyyyy you're with Amy.' Of course, it should be pronounced 'Double A, Em, Eye'. You don't say 'Norma' when you say 'NRMA', do you?

SO, on to the ad: ''This is a message for my Todd.''

She's called Amy, I guess, and she tells Todd to give her a ring (engagement?).

Problem is, it perpetuates the idea that women are unable to communicate to their partners about what they want (or that men are just hopeless on listening): either way, the ad sucks cos it makes Amy look desperate and pushy and sneaky.

''You following me, Todd?'' What's that supposed to be, a threat? If i was Todd, I'd say 'yeah, I hear you, and there's the door.'

Get rid of this ad, AAMI, it's dumb and boring.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

why TELSTRA suck

..a no-brainer, really, but here's the latest up my nose...


on the front/back of Mx, a street rag handed out mostly at railway stations.

I don't even care who publishes this anymore, SUCH AN AD IS A JOKE.

Why would i want even more colored ink running onto my sweaty
(non-airconditioned) hands, so did you think i wouldn't tear it off immediately?

And it said Browse for Free and nothing was free, it was just crap about crap you automatically pay for from their mobile deals.

As the guy in the bottleshop said: ''Just spend the money on cheaper local phonecalls.''

Sunday, January 27, 2008


A boy dives off a pier, fully clothed..... nothing happens... 5 seconds pass... silence...

A bone-dry skeleton leaps out of the water, and drops onto the pier. Silence.

What's the gag? ''Go where you're not supposed to.''

Terrible. Absolutely awful writing, and what a cheap budget. It's partnered with..

...some guy running screaming out of the minor reptile exhibit... ''Snaaaakes!"

why KRAFT sux

It's not funny when a little girl locks her family out in the back garden, just so she can eat some spread alone (a spread she's not allowed to serve anyway, a la the knife).

Their response? ''It's not shown at times when kids are watching.''

What a bunch of crap. The ad never shows the consequences of messing with locks.


I've had enough. It's time to sit down and type 'You are wasting my time and someone's money with this ad. It sucks. You suck for making it, so you lose.'

I welcome everyone's contributions.

I'd like to acknowledge AdBusters, Fark and HomePageDaily as motivators.